cancer.

good morning friends & family.

i didn’t anticipate launching a blog with my first post being titled “cancer” but life’s a trip and here we are. early december i purchased a domain and signed up for this, not sure what it would start as or evolve into but as a kind of “stop talking about it and do it” sort of thing to see where it could take me. surprise! aspiring family travel blogger is on hold for now and young cancer patient blogger is what we’ll kick it off with.

yesterday i found out i’ve been diagnosed with (caught early, totally curable) breast cancer — the people who are reading this closest to publishing already know that. i also found out how quickly i get overwhelmed by being a person who has an inner circle over a dozen strong ready to drop everything and do anything to help. so this blog is starting off as a means for me to communicate general information to you all and to answer your “how are you doing” questions.

when i told Jean, who i am calling my Cancer Tour Guide (Amy asked that i refer to her as my Cancer Healing Guide but i reserve the right to choose my adventure), that i was more overwhelmed by an outpouring of support and concern than a diagnosis, she told me that is a wonderful problem to have and i couldn’t agree more. so please know that i love you and i am so, so damn grateful.

the itinerary still has some blanks but here’s the lay of the land so far:

• i found the lump sometime in the last 2-3 months. it is on my right breast. i brought it to my doctor’s attention during a physical in december and she ordered imaging which consisted of a diagnostic mammogram (ouch), an ultrasound and then an ultrasound guided biopsy. this happened on jan. 7. they took tissue but left me with a titanium chip in place of what they took. unfortunately i will probably lose this badass bionic implant in the surgery process but i think i’d rather have silicone implants than titanium so we’ll call it a wash.

• the results of the biopsy were that the lump is malignant. i have received different information from the two people i have spoken with on what is presently known about my right armpit lymph nodes (which would give an idea of how slowly our traveler is touring the map that is my body) . the first said they are enlarged. the second didn’t have any notes to confirm or deny that.

• my next steps are:

  • meeting with a genetic counselor. there is family history of breast cancer and because i am young, if my genetic makeup puts me at greater risk of re-occurrence, the treatment course will likely be more aggressive so this can be a one and done sort of thing. results of this take time but are necessary before surgical decisions can be made.

  • a breast MRI to determine the lymph node status and if anything is happening over on the left side. the results of this will determine if a PET scan is necessary or recommended to see if the cells have already packed their bags and are on their way to a new destination.

  • oncology and surgical consults. see above re: surgical decisions. these appointments might take place soon but it doesn’t sound like surgery would happen in the next two weeks.

• current “stage” assumption is 1b or early 2. based on how they categorize things in terms of size, it is the smallest (T1). good news!

• today i am waiting on phone calls from all of the above departments to schedule appointments. i am fairly confident Jean and whoever else will be moving this along swiftly and i would be very pleased to get into the MRI and genetic counseling yet today or tomorrow but that might be wishful thinking. however, i just got off the phone with the surgery department and for now, am scheduled for a surgical consult a week from tomorrow, friday jan. 18 in the morning.

which brings us to: how am i doing? emotion is coming in waves of tears and laughter (my dominant coping mode). as much as i am comforted by hard truth and in depth information, i know that when i start sitting in these rooms and having these conversations, this will hit a little differently and overwhelm me in a different way. fortunately, i wouldn’t expect to attend any more appointments alone so that will help all of the hard, clinical stuff land.

do i need anything? right now, no. usually the first domestic/self-care thing that i find to be affected is my appetite, eating schedule and balance of healthy meals, so this is one area that people can send love how they see fit in the coming weeks.

i haven’t yet determined when i will tell Audrey that i am sick. Colleen gave sound advice to provide a general outline that i am sick, that i will be having doctor visits and a surgery and that all of our great friends and family will be stepping in to help me and let her ask the questions that she comes up with, answering honestly, from there. please feel free to reach out to me and get on her schedule if you’d like to spend time with her. Robin and Shane are typically available but i like to diversify and this is a constant need that the entire village can contribute to.

that’s all for now. i am going into work and i am sending all of the love you all are sending me right back in gratitude. updates to come.