chemo 3: jesters & jokers

last week, i had chemo #3 on monday —  it was my mom’s birthday and i know a trip to the cancer center wasn’t what she wanted but what do you get a woman who has everything ya know?  i kid, i kid. when my parents best friends read that i wanted to bring cheer to the cancer center and was thinking about themes, they sent a half dozen sequin jester hats, so we all wore our jester caps and my dad shared a joke with each of the staff who came by and some of the other patients we bumped into, too. mom and dad definitely brought the cheer. i, on the other hand, slept for a majority of the treatment. 

they had arrived on friday, Audrey’s birthday, and the weekend was rather busy from there.  we celebrated “7” at Great Wolf Lodge and had 3 of Audrey’s friends from school to the waterpark on saturday afternoon and then a handful of mine in the evening. when the jester hats arrived, so did some vintage style swim caps, which i rocked in the water park. needless to say, it was a long weekend and three days in a row of 0 naps for this girl. big, big, BIG thank you to Ali and Josh for their time and effort to make this happen and chaperone!

* PSA to everyone who likes to plan, host, or make things special for a child in their lives, as just a general act of kindness or love but especially if the parent is single and/or going through a hardship: if that parent is anything like me, offering to help and/or completely handle the planning their kids birthday party will qualify you for sainthood. 

anyhow, back to last week. chemo monday, blah blah. got home, more sleeping.  the cold that landed me in the ER previously should have “run its course” by that day, but symptoms were still lingering. tuesday we went to the bank and took care of some business, came home and more sleeping, worse cold symptoms.  my mom and i were going to go to Gilda’s, as i had my support group and she was going to join Cards of Hope where they fold origami cranes and make cards with encouraging messages for cancer patients, but we got in the car and she said “are you sure this is what you need? that you’re up for this?” and thank god she did, because i’d thought it but didn’t voice it and i just didn’t have it in me.

then came wednesday. the nickname of one of the chemo drugs is the red devil (it’s not on the drip, it’s pushed with a syringe and is a deep red color and you pee red afterwards) and i think i was in Red Devil Hell because i have never felt common cold and fatigue symptoms as intense and relentless as i did last wednesday. i had gone to bed at 9:30 pm on tuesday and i am estimating that by 9:30 pm on wednesday, i’d been awake about a total of 4 hours in the previous 24 and even that feels generous. as soon as my eyes opened, i wanted them shut again, on repeat. thursday i started feeling slightly better but still slept a considerable amount and by friday my low grade fever fluctuations had left, i was awake for a good portion of the day and got to spend time with my dad. then, in the evening, the clouds really broke to let the sun shine through when i remembered…. marijuana! and i went from a sad, semi-hopeless, no-appetite-for-days human to one who ate a whole can of soup, giggling about getting high for the sole purpose of eating and i am pleased to report, things have gotten progressively better from there. when Audrey heard i ate a whole can of soup she said “yay! that means you’re feeling better!” which means she’s definitely paying attention.

so, if you’ve been wondering when i don’t post, “is no news good news?”…. it depends on when you’re thinking it but probably not. when i don’t post, it is likely because i feel like how Hollywood portrays cancer patients, minus the vomiting (thank God)  and it’s hella depressing. after chemo, i left the apartment building on tuesday for the bank, on thursday for Audrey’s spring conference (she’s a rockstar) and not again until tuesday, for Gilda’s. i did link up with a psychiatrist and start on an anti-depressant though (which may have played a role in last week’s visit to hell)  so hopefully the full effects of that will start to kick in around the time of the weekly treatments and i will have an easier time emotionally for Q2 of this journey.

except for sunday and today, i’ve had at least two naps a day and i don’t see that letting up anytime soon.  unfortunately i go back monday for more red devil BUT…. (drum roll please….) it is the LAST of this drug and at the end of the day, the red devil has already done some serious fricken work on the largest of my tumors. so much work that it’s hardly recognizable. in fact, if i still have a lump, it’s not one that i would have brought to my doctors attention at a physical. so i’d like to have the honor of being the first to say: praise the lord!! the chemo is working, i am eating, and these my friends, are what we call answered prayers!

p.s. - what do you call a fake noodle?

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an impasta!